From Finding My Base-Line to the Feeling of Chakras and Qi.
There was nothing. I had no idea of what I was missing.
A few weeks after my 'rock-bottom' and my commitment to Pilates and exercising in water I started to become aware of what muscles were activating and how the whole of my body would brace as I tried to do even the simplest of exercises.
I 'cheated' when I moved, making subconscious adjustments throughout my body as I tried to get into a certain position or do a particular exercise.
I was using the wrong muscles, I did not use my 5 main muscles of movement.
I was a physical wreck. Tense and restricted from head to fingers to toes.
The day my depression lifted as I stood up from a roll-down was the day everything changed. Like a blanket of restrictions being pulled back from my face, the outer cocooon of misery being stretched and cracked open.
After years of deep depression things were suddenly better. A sense of lightness, brightness. A new-found hope. It was that dramatic.
I started my healing diary.
A diary entry about a week after I started keeping notes:
"sunlight on face/forehead. eyes closed. lights flash"
An awareness of a visual experience, little patches of flashing lights and colours, minute dots and streaks. Fast moving and out of reach.
I was starting to see the sparkles.
The first traces of becoming conscious of my sense of proprioception. A little bit of sensory feedback from my body was getting through to my brain for my sense of position, motion and balance.
As I became more aware of this sensory feedback I noticed 'blank spaces' - big areas of my body there were no sparkles. Restricted areas on my physical being causing 'dead zones' with no feedback that I was aware of.
I started to focus on my Base-Line muscles activating as I inhaled, imagining the muscles as a set of coloured lights being switched on, extending from pelvis to chest.
Longer and stronger with every in breath.
Thoughts about my rectus abdominis muscles being a "switchboard" - the relevant part of the muscles needs to be engaged and the associated threads extended for the the sparkles to get through.
I was still trying to name my categorise my symptoms - naming muscles, separating into different conditions (plantar fasciitis, tight IT band, piriformis syndrome, chondritis, tension headaches to name a few)- before I realised it was macro-dysfunction - a body wide problem - that was the source all my pain and misery. I could feel it.
With an ever-growing connection to my main muscles of movement I became aware of how imbalanced and misaliged my body truly was.
Feeling the relative positioning of my midline anatomy.
I could feel the twists and kinks from head to feet. Layers of tension zig-zaging across and through, up and down. I realise how rigid my neck and upper back were. The tightness in my lower back and the front of my hips making my stance crooked and uneven.
The inter-connectedness of the whole body. I could feel how making small adjustment in my pose would have distant effects. How the sense of orientation of 'body map in my mind' could completely shift and need realigned.
Instinctively knowing how to move to release a restriction when I focused on my Base-Line support. Feeling it was right.
After a year of focusing on my Base-Line becoming stronger and longer I was aware of the position of my linea alba, our primary guide for body alignment. My upper body was still rigid and twisted but by thinking about my trapezius muscles I was starting to become aware of the state of alignment of my nuchal and supraspinous ligaments, midline in the back of my neck and upper back. After 2 and a bit years... someone explaining "internal" martial arts. Our sense of conscious proproception, the moving colors and lights, the sense of flow, is the basis of Qi and chakras. When a muscle is active and free to move I can now sense it. Picturing it in my mind - sparkle style!. FKED bits are missing from my mind-body map I now realise. A million switches to flick
Full Body Shadow
Charkras and Qi.
My upper body was still rigid and twisted but by thinking about my trapezius muscles I was starting to become aware of the state of alignment of my nuchal and supraspinous ligaments, midline in the back of my neck and upper back.
After 2 and a bit years... someone explaining "internal" martial arts.
Our sense of conscious proproception, the moving colors and lights, the sense of flow, is the basis of Qi and chakras.
When a muscle is active and free to move I can now sense it. Picturing it in my mind - sparkle style!. FKED bits are missing from my mind-body map I now realise.Filling in blank spaces of map Gently working out the kinks, you will find the pains shift as one area relaxes, and you may start to notice the really fcked bits. The brain knows the body layout, need to bring it into consciousness. Start to feel the central line then work out from there.
A million switches to flick